My Battle with Cancer

   A short report from the trenches...
   My Surgeon General, Dr. Ramin, determined that my bladder had been occupied by a small group of terrorist cancer cells. The tumor had to be removed and Dr. Ramin did so with a surgical strike.       

   Even though the cancer was removed Dr. Ramin found in the neighborhood the presence of insurgent cancer cells, which had invaded my bladder muscle. This was serious, and Dr. Ramin suggested total extrication and destruction of the bladder and it's replacement with spare parts from my body.

   But there were alternatives: Nuclear and chemical warfare – weapons of mass destruction!
Starting with an extremely carefully targeted process, a nuclear strike on the proximity of the extricated tumor. It's a precisely guided attack and causes the least collateral damage to innocent cells.
   A chemical charge pinned down my pelvis to create a perfect target for the bombardment. Then tiny iridium-pellets at the end of an elastic steel rod were guided into the critical zone to have an effect -- not physically explosive like a nuclear bomb – more like a dirty bomb that burns its immediate surroundings with deadly radiation.
   Under the fearless leadership of Dr. Kamrava the team successfully finished the operation, and by now I needed a temporary cease-fire.
   After two weeks of recovery I was ready for the final strike that would get rid of all, so far undetected terror-cells in the besieged bladder.
   It started with a blast of very toxic chemicals, applied by Dr. Lieber, who intended to confuse and disorient the enemy, until he would be an easy target for the radiation, applied by Dr. Steinberg, the leader and coordinator of the radiation team.
   And this is where I am now, it's my last stand in the battle with cancer, and I veel be vicktorious! Jawohl! HURRA!